Jessica Woodville | Memoir & Musings

It’s a strange thing, being on the “other side” of survival (other side in quotes because honestly, I am still mostly surviving, not quite thriving)
Life often gives you a brief moment of quiet, only to hand you the daunting task of healing. Recently, I received a comment from a reader that resonated deeply with me. They said, “It took both of my parents to die and family to split apart before I could finally start healing.”

For many of us, it’s a major disruption or a life-altering event that triggers the beginning of our healing journey. It’s not always something we would have chosen, but sometimes it’s what we need to start moving forward. In my own life, I’ve gone no-contact with my father, and all of my extended family lives on the other side of the country. Here, it’s just my brother and me, and we’re working to build a relationship we never had the chance to have. It’s a delicate process, like rebuilding something from the ground up, but it’s progress nonetheless.

Healing after trauma isn’t linear. It’s more like a winding path full of unexpected turns. But one thing I’ve learned along the way is that healing is possible. Despite all the obstacles, you can heal.

The Trickery of Trauma Brain

One of the most frustrating things I’ve encountered in my healing journey is the phenomenon I like to call “trauma brain.” It’s this sneaky little mechanism our brains use when we’ve been through too much. Trauma brain likes to pop up uninvited, trying to convince us we’re still in danger—even when we’re not.

Here’s how it plays out: You’re about to meet a friend for coffee. Maybe you feel those butterflies of excitement or nervousness—nothing major. But trauma brain, ever watchful, sees those butterflies and decides it’s time for a warning.

“Oh no, this feels familiar… You’re in danger,” it whispers. “Remember that tightness in your chest? That unease? We’ve been here before, and it didn’t end well.” Anxiety immediately joins in, saying, “Yep, I know this feeling. Something’s not right. Something bad is coming.” And just like that, panic sets in.

The thing is, trauma brain is not always right. It has learned to associate any hint of discomfort with past danger. What’s happening now is not the same as what happened before. But trauma brain is stubborn, and the more we resist, the more it grows—louder, more insistent, convincing us that we’re still trapped in our past experiences.

Facing the Demons

But here’s the crucial part: The more we run from our demons, the more they loom over us. The more we try to hide from them, the bigger and scarier they seem. But when we stand tall and face them head-on, when we show trauma brain that we’re no longer falling for its tricks—that’s when we start to grow stronger. That’s when we stop just surviving and start thriving.

It’s not an easy process, but every time we confront our fears, we’re building a solid foundation for the future. We’re laying the groundwork for a life where we thrive instead of merely survive.

Rebuilding From the Ground Up

Much like my relationship with my brother—one that we’re learning to build after years of distance—healing requires effort, patience, and vulnerability. There’s no singular “right” way to heal, but there is a way forward. Sometimes, that way means facing our fears, feeling the anxiety, and reminding ourselves that it doesn’t control us.

It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. But the key is to keep moving forward, one step at a time. Those steps, no matter how small, are what lay the foundation for a future where you’ll feel whole, seen, and heard.

To the reader who shared their journey with me: Keep going. You’ve survived, and now it’s time to heal. I believe with everything in me that you have the strength to create a future where you thrive, not just survive. And remember, you’re not alone. We all have the power to rise, face our demons, and create a life full of possibility. Much love survivor ❤️‍🩹